Best Preseason Bets

Why bet?

Maybe you have money to spend. Is that stimulus check burning a hole in your pocket yet? Ready to get rid of that money with Donny J’s autograph on it? Well these preseason bets aren’t guaranteed to hit—if they were I wouldn’t be writing for a radio station in Joplin fucking Missouri—but they are fun and have a chance of paying out big.

And be honest…no one wants to brag to their friends that they put down $100 on the Kansas City Chiefs to win the Super Bowl. Put your dick on the table at boy’s night when you brag about hitting on an underdog bet like those below

5. Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl +5000 (Bovada)

Admit it, the NFL season is so much more fun to watch when you have something riding on it. You’re already rooting like crazy for your favorite team to win, so why not throw down money on another team to win it all?

The Arizona Cardinals have a red hot offense, a defense that’ll be healthier and get back Patrick Peterson for a full season, AND they drafted Isaiah Simmons. If you want to get wild, put $50 down on the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl and you immediately have a reason to watch the late afternoon game every Sunday.

4. Carson Wentz MVP +2000 (BetOnline)
Just kidding!

Big Country is going to lose this bet too.

4. Deshaun Watson MVP +1800 (BetOnline)
Bill O’Brien has done everything possible to tear this team apart, it seems, but the offense could actually be amazing if Brandin Cooks can keep his brain from bouncing off his skull and David Johnson remembers how to run the football.

The Texans were at times in 2019 on the brink of greatness. If they can somehow sneak out a top seed in the AFC, Deshaun will be the reason.

3. Matt Ryan MVP +3000 (BetOnline)
A rejuvenated offensive line, Julio Jones and maybe a bounce back year for Todd Gurley could point to Matty Ice earning an MVP award. The numbers have been there in the past, and if somehow the Falcons emerge as a leader in the NFC (very possible), then Matty has the numbers and name recognition to get it done.

2. Buffalo Bills Super Bowl +2200 (Bovada)
If for no other reason than you want to eat wings, get drunk and throw your buddy through a folding table that’s on fire…bet on the Bills.

This isn’t a great team, but it’s a good team with a lovable head coach (Sean McDermott), a quarterback who will keep your heart pumping with his rollercoaster play and a damn good defense.

And there’s the whole table on fire thing; which is awesome.

1. Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl +1600 (Bovada)
Okay this might actually be free money. HOW ARE THE COWBOYS +1600?! Bovada, are you okay, fellas?

The Cowboys have a Super Bowl winning head coach (Mike McCarthy), one hell of an offense (come back, Dak) and a defense that’s good enough to make plays and keep opposing offenses in check. They also play in a dog shit division (sorry, Philly) and could be the NFC’s No. 1 seed in a new playoff format that’ll seriously favor the top seed.

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