FOUR YEARS AGO I found myself single at 28 years old; awesome, right? It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t my idea and at the time you could not convince me it was the right thing to do. In hindsight, she was right.
After five years of marriage and seven years together I had no idea what to do. I had to tell my family and friends I failed at something, I had to move on from a life I had created, and I had to move out of the house my two daughters lived in.
Let’s start with the easiest part. Telling the people I cared about. I say easiest but it still fucking sucked. The ex and I separated before officially divorcing, and honestly I think this made things harder. Just cut the cord if you know it’s going to happen. I had no idea what to say to people. Like, do I talk shit and say I’m moving on? Do I stay respectful and vague about everything? I didn’t know what to do. So I stayed respectful and vague – and I would DEFINITELY recommend that!
I felt very embarrassed and emotional but I made it through the phone calls. I don’t know why it was so embarrassing? Millions (maybe billions?) of people have been divorced and I was just the newest member to the club. Telling people sucks. But it’s the first step of moving on. Don’t overthink it like I did.
“Fresh start?” – The Other Guys
Throughout the marriage both parties had grown unhappy with each other and divorce was imminent. Like I said in the beginning, she was right. “We will be happy on our own. We will have more quality time to spend with the girls. You’ll be able to spend more time with your friends.” <~ That’s what she said. Literally.
And she was right. I am happier now. Happier than I’ve ever been. I’m probably the happiest person you know, for those of you that do know me at least. The time I spend with my daughters isn’t shared with household chores or work. It’s quality time with them, with nothing else going on. All the other stuff I can get done when they’re with their mom.
I used my forced free time to remember who I was. A beer drinkin’, football watchin’, hell of a good time. I got back into scouting football, watching basketball, following baseball (do all married guys have to choose one sport to be interested in?) and going golfing. I podcast, started a radio show and I guess I blog now? All things I was interested in before (although let’s be real, never thought I would blog) and never had time for.
You don’t become the happiest person in the world without a great supporting cast. The Avengers, The Beatles, the ‘72 Dolphins. You get the point. No, they’re not just overrated, they’re great groups who couldn’t do it without each other. I couldn’t have made it through this without a great supporting cast along the way. My parents, brothers and friends.
Four years ago I thought my life was ruined. Turns out I was just starting over. Thanks for being part of the process.
Great read! Love the podcast, listener since day one …. I’ve been there too, not married, but engaged, and newborn girl before i turned 22 and still in college. Young, dumb and wanted to cum! We were never going to last long term but tried to make it work, got a good government job as a correctional officer (19 years now) in Ontario, Canada. She left me for another guy, back then and to this day (it didn’t last with him), i would love to shake his hand and thank him for saving me, followed up by kicking his ass. I leaned on family and friends going thru the court stuff etc…. got past it, single at 24 and treated the next 10 years of my life as a teenager, early 20 something year should, but still in that time my daughter was my priority, driving 4 hrs every other weekend etc and rarely missed anything remotely important in her life and was there for most firsts. Now at 41, i got married at 38, 4 yr old daughter and 2 step-daughters (yes, 4 girls) and now with my oldest at 19, we are still very close, asks me for advice, tells me things that she wouldn’t tell her mother and can now actually drink with her (drinking age is 19) @rammer87
Huge Stick to Football fan. I recently also started a blog. And my wife is a teacher like you. And we both love sports. I guess we have a few things in common. I also lived in Texas for almost three years, which made me hate the Longhorns. That’s something we don’t have in common. I wish you much success with the blog. And with your life moving forward. And I promise to check out the blog on the regular.